Not Not A New Year's Post

December 31 2024

The year’s coming to a close. The lights are coming down, the trees are packed away, the decorations boxed up - leaving behind a stark and stripped reality. It’s like when you switch on the big lights at home after only having the soft lamps, and your eyes need a second to adjust. Everything feels more exposed. What’s left is just… what is.

When I think back on the beginning of the year, I can barely remember it. These 12 months have been so fragmented, like coming in and out of a fever dream. Some parts feel so vivid and real, like I lived them fully; others feel like I was just passing through a dense fog, barely able to hold on to what was happening. Time has felt both too long and too short at the same time.

Somehow, we’re here again, and somehow, people have the energy for 2025 resolutions and goal-setting, and I’m just here like, my brain is still stuck in 2021, rotting ever since. What goals are you talking about? I’m good with just ticking “drink more water” off my list at this point. That’s in between “have a second child and don’t lose your mind” and “try not to overthink things so you don’t lose your mind.” I’ll let you know how those go, don’t worry.

But really, maybe I’m too cynical. I’d like to write something that doesn’t feel so dramatic or dark and leaves you thinking, “Damn, that’s one sad girl.” I am that girl, though. I like dramatic and dark shit, and my brain always seems to go there first. So, maybe that should be my one goal, resolution, aspiration - to be more… optimistic? We all know how hard that is, with everything we’ve gone through. But I’m going to try.

To take things as they come. Be more patient. Be more present - for all the things I have to look forward to and for all the good things I don’t even know might happen yet. I have a baby coming, inshallah, who I’m so excited to meet. And I also have a toddler who gives me that unfiltered, beautiful perspective of seeing the world as something other than a steaming pile of shit. I’ll just tap into that.

That’s a good start, isn’t it?

Wish me luck.