The Longest, Shortest Days of My Life
Living in the blur of newborn time.
May 4 2025
Each post is paired with a song. For today, it’s A Little While by Yellow Days.
Time moves differently when you have a newborn. Days feel like they unfold in parts - some drag on forever, others fly by. Adam is about 3 and a half weeks old now. How has it already been 3 weeks, and yet, how has it only been 3 weeks?
Postpartum time is a paradox. You’re trying to do everything - feed the baby, recover, wipe Imad’s butt - but it also feels like you’re doing nothing at all. You’re physically present but mentally scattered, doing your best to be in the moment, only to feel like it wasn’t enough or that it passed too quickly.
We talk about time in so many ways: killing time, making time, losing time, counting time, passing time, pausing time. Something is always being done to time, but how much control do we actually have over the doing?
In the postpartum fog, it feels like all of those at once. When the baby naps, there’s always pressure to use that time wisely. Do I shower? Eat? Wash my pump parts? Try to sleep? You’re supposed to do something, but you’re too tired to care about anything. Then, just when you’re lost in the haze, you hear that cry, snapping you back to reality. And guess what? You did nothing at all.
It’s like running a mental marathon but never crossing the finish line. The days blur together, endless and fleeting all at once. Some parts of postpartum are about waiting: waiting for healing, waiting for routines, waiting for a cup of coffee and a quiet moment, waiting for time to feel like it’s moving at your pace. But time doesn’t wait. It just keeps going, no matter how much you feel like you’re struggling to keep up.
The contradiction is exhausting. Sometimes I have to snap myself awake, literally and figuratively, reminding myself to cherish these moments before they’re gone in a blink. Other times, I’m counting the seconds until they both fall asleep so I can be a zombie in silence.
I guess the fact that I actually wrote this while he napped counts as something, right? Baby steps.
